Friday, 3 July 2015

Dear Daddy

My dearest Daddy of life!

It's a brief one today.. Just thought to stop by to let You know that You are the no 1 love of my life.

You own my heart, You own my head, You own my body and I am proud to call You Lord.

Thank You for the privilege of being able to call You Lord, Daddy, Friend and so much more.

I love You,
One xx

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Thursday, 2 July 2015

Conversations with One - Season 2 (Introducing the Team)

Hello everyone!

It's another edition of Conversations with One! We are back, we are live and we are ready to goooo!!

A huge thanks to everyone for joining us in the last season. Missed it? You can read all the posts HERE.

Today's post marks the first in the 2nd season of Conversations with One... We've been on a long break and we are back with a slightly different modus operandi.

As always, Conversations with One is a talk-show on 1 + The One where each week, the 1 + TheOne panel (made up of beloved and very wise friends with a variety of personalities) and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective.. We talk about any and every thing!!

Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

The new panel is made up of 7 women and 1 man... Yes, 1 solitary man who is definitely up to the task :-)... However, remember that YOU make up the panel too as we only kick-start the discussions while we invite your comments, thoughts, stories and experiences too!

First of all, introduction - Today's post is an introduction to the wonderful 1 + The One Panel so that you can put a name and face to the people speaking...


I love to LOL :-D
Hello guys, I'm Mmesoma Lams, (aka Light) a Lawyer by profession, an Encourager by calling and an unrepentant GodChaser . I love to laugh loud and hard. I do creative writing as well... WELL, they say I'm a 'Special One' and I readily agree.. *winks*

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I worship!

My name is Faith, I love to worship and write songs that glorify God. I am currently in a relationship/courtship. I study Law in Wales...soon to graduate!

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Best believe, I have TWO boys! :-D
My name is Adenike Shoremekun a.k.a Nikkysho. I am married with 2 beautiful boys.
I love cooking, talking/ gisting, listening to music and planning events.

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Beautiful in my imperfections
I'm Ireti Oladapo, a wife, mother, writer and a daughter of God. I can sometimes be a bit clumsy but I'm beautiful in my imperfections.

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I love weddings! :-)

My name is Bodam Taiwo, half Yoruba, half Cross River and full Nigerian! Domiciled in the beautiful city of Lagos, I love eating dessert for breakfast, planning events especially weddings, going for long brunches turned lunches, listening to music and dancing, having a great time with family and friends and most importantly, trying to live out my life in accordance with my faith and the beliefs I profess as a Christian.

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Passionate about inspiring people
My name is Jeffrey Nsofor, accountant by profession, a Christian by Faith and a life-coach to all who need my help. I am passionate about inspiring people to discover their purpose, thereby empowering them to reach their full potential. I am an Author, Speaker, Life Coach and a Blogger (www.JeffreyNsofor.com).
And lest I forget, a die-hard Arsenal fan and people have also labelled me as a good dancer, looll.

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I love singing!

Hiya, my name is Isioma Ikediashi soon to be Mrs B in the very near future. I love to learn, like to read and talk to people :-D Any opportunity to talk about relationships and marriage goals is my delight. 
Most importantly, I sing. I don't just love it, I relish it. It's my dream and reality :-)

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I love food :-)
Hallo! My name is Ayo Thompson, I blog at www.1plustheone.com. I love God, love, people and food. :-D

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Alrighty, that's us and we begin in full swing next week Thursday. Don't forget, you can send us an email or put a question across to us as the topic of the day..

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too - oneplustheone@gmail.com

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Music and Me - God Bless the Broken Road (Rascal Flatts)

I am a hopeless forever romantic... I have said it time and time again here on 1 + The One that I Love Love :-)

Love excites me, love makes me happy (like seriously happy, lol), I am fascinated by love and falling in love.. You can ask my family and friends, I can hear a love story over a 100 times and never get tired (Tobi, Aunty Uzo :-). I can watch the same beautiful romance movie and watch it the twentieth time and it would be as if I never watched it before. (Love and Basketball, Not Easily Broken)

I could read a great romance fiction 50 times and still save the book so that I could read it at another 'suitable time' (Redeeming Love, Night Whispers, Voice in the Wind).

I enjoy reading books and listening to experiences of what it means to make love work. I am sure some of you may be able to identify with what I am saying (while others can feel free to roll their eyes, lol).

As you can imagine, I used to dream in 100 shades of how I would eventually meet my beloved.. I couldn't wait, it excited me! It was no surprise that most of it was based on the fictional tales I had read when I was younger and as I grew older, my imaginations matured and reality set in, to be hopefully more... realistic.

I can't quite remember the first time I heard this beautiful song 'God Bless the Broken Road' by Rascal Flatts.. I LOVED the words. I loved it because it seemed like it was written with me in mind. You see, I started off thinking I would find love very early and be happily married soon after. I never considered heartbreaks, disappointments, broken promises, waitingggggggggggggg (can I write more 'g's?) . But heartbreaks? (check!) Disappointments? (check!), broken promises? (checkkk!), Waitinggggggggggggggggggg? (double check!).. I had my fair share of them.

However, while I have not liked all the negative experiences, I have come to grudgingly appreciate them as part of the journey. I have learnt and grown immensely. My trust in God has been developed beautifully and I am truly grateful for the things He has taught me in this process. I know and believe that by God's grace, I am a better woman today than I was years ago (Thank God!).. I am still learning, still a work in progress but I look back and I can thank God for how far He has brought me.

Now, the song is almost like a climax of this journey.. I sing it with a lot of faith and hope, imagining me looking at him and singing with a smile on my face that "Every long lost dream, led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars, pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true.. That God BLESS the broken road that led me straight to you..."

The road might seem broken, tedious, frustrating, annoying, exasperating and you might just want to give up, but may I encourage you (as I encourage myself) that it would be worth it in Jesus name. God is the One who makes ALL things work together for your good (Rom 8:28). The wait might seem long right now, you might just have suffered another disappointment, you might just be tempted to just give in because it doesn't look like it's going to happen but let me encourage you with the words of this beautiful song - It will ALL be worth it in the end.

The road may be broken, the journey might have been very long and bumpy BUT when you get to your God-ordained destination, you would thank God for the road, the bumps, and see how God had been working it out for you.

Don't stop believing, don't stop trusting Him to give you the very best.. He alone is able to make it all worth it :-)

Sing along with me... Ev-e-ry long lost dream, led me to where you are.... " :-)



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It feels great to resume the weekly Music and Me posts! If this is your first time, you can read an introduction to the series HERE

Would you like to share yours too? It could be a song that struck something in you when you listened to it, it could be a song or worship that you used during a down-time in your life and it made a huge difference, it could be a song that takes you into the 'God-zoneee', it could be a song that helps you express what mere words cannot quite convey, it could be a song that brings a zest and zing to your heart and steps whenever it comes up!

Each song will be accompanied by a story, introduction or reason why it is the choice of the week..

Please send us an email oneplustheone@gmail.com 
Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone

Friday, 26 June 2015

Dear Daddy

My dearest Daddy!

Shepherd of my soul, everlasting Father, the King of my heart, the One that makes my life complete, the One without whom I am nothing.

I celebrate You Father of Fathers today and always. I like Fridays Daddy - not only because it marks the beginning of a new weekend :-D but because I get to write to You (when I am faithful :-)

I am grateful for the fact that I am able to relate with You in such a simple manner. You made that possible Jesus, thank You.

A God so great - Creator of heaven and earth, Master of the Universe, Commander-in-Chief of the hosts of heaven, earth and even hell.. Every single created being responds to Your command - Yet, You gave me and all mankind the privilege and grace to come boldly before You as a beloved child to their Father, to communicate with You, to fellowship with You, to play at Your feet, to have You wrap us in Your everlasting love and assure us that everything will be alright.

It is such an amazing feeling that a Great God like you would love a mere human like me. Sometimes I wonder, what you have to gain? In the real sense of it, this is an unbalanced relationship - You do sooo much, You ask for so little in return, and unfortunately we give even less... Yet, You love us as if we gave You life, as if we watched over Your head so that You would not fall into any evil, as if we provided for Your needs, as if we never took our eyes off You.... Instead, You do all these things and more and I am so grateful.

Daddy, I am so very grateful. I acknowledge Your goodness, mercy and compassion to us Your children, to me Your daughter and I am so so grateful.

What would life have been like if Jesus didn't come to die for us, giving us the opportunity to have a beautiful relationship with our Father in heaven.

Thank You Jesus... I would never be able to repay the sacrifice - You don't even require that - but I pray for grace Daddy, to show my love for You without reservation every single day.

May I not disappoint You, may my life give You utmost pleasure and may all the glory go to You always and always.

I love You Daddy... Very very much.

Your girl,
One xx


Friday, 19 June 2015

Dear Daddy

My darling, dearest Daddy!!!

It's another Friday and it is with much pleasure and delight that I write to you again :-) :-)

As I write to you, I am listening to the song of one of your sons, Nathaniel Bassey. I think I've told you how much I love his worship to you!

In this particular one, he simply says "I will worship you forever, love you forever because.. This God is too good oh"..

The first time I heard this song Daddy, I absolutely fell in love.. The words of the chorus are so simple yet so moving.. Because it speaks the absolute truth. Indeed, You are too Good dear Abba.. You are too Kind, you are too Loving, You are too Merciful, You are too Compassionate, You are too Gracious, You are too Awesome, You are too Powerful..

And we sing that 'too' not in a negative way at all, but an acknowledgement that you give us Your best in excess..

Olowo Ori mi, why won't I worship You forever, serve You forever, praise You forever, love You forever, be loyal to Your government forever? (Twale Baba!).

Glorious King, there comes a time in life when serving and obeying you is no longer just an obligation but borne out of love because You are more than deserving.. You do so much more for us Your children. You blow my mind with how wonderful You are to me. I am eternally grateful.

Thank You for making it obvious time and time again that putting my trust in You is more than worth it. It's not a gamble, it's a certainty that You will always remain Faithful.

With much love and gratitude forever,
Your One xxxxx

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

It's Been Too Long!

... Yes, we are back!!

*phew* it's been too long. I didn't think it would take so long but it did!! *eyes wide open!*...

Thank God for everything! It has been a great time away to get refreshed (and get a new domain lol)..

I apologise sincerely for the long hiatus and for being largely MIA, without notice too.. To be honest, I didn't get notified either... *Boom* it just happened! :-D

I didn't realise 1 + The One had gone offline until some wonderful people brought it to my attention. I felt I would quickly resolve it and speak to the very lovely and kind guy who had been helping with managing the technical bits of the blog but alas, before we knew what was going on, a simple glitch meant that someone else had poached the previous name and parked his 'kanyan' right there!

Thank God, all things always work out for God's people (can I get an amen? :-) {Romans 8:28}, I had planned to change the domain name of the blog anyway to match with all its social media identities (www.1plustheone.com) so this gave prime opportunity to do so! :-).. The only snag was that it took longer than we thought it would lol..

Again, I say thank God.. It feels good to be back! We are excited to be back.. 1 + The One is back by God's grace... and we ain't going no where *cue music*..

At this point, with most sincere and heartfelt gratitude, I'd like to say a BIG HUGE HUMONGOUS THANK YOU to every one of you lovely people who showed love, sent emails, Facebook messages, Tweets to check in... It meant more than you know.. I am deeply and immensely grateful. Thank You.

May God remember you and send you love and encouragement when you need it the most (and even just to let you know He's ever mindful of you).

As always, our regular series will continue and we will also be throwing in some new stuff by God's grace.. I'm excited.. Hope you are too! :-)

Alright people, let's go!!

PS I have missed Blogsville very much :-)

One xxxxx



First time here? It's great to have you! Thank you so much for stopping by! There's so much to do, so many posts to read :-).. Please feel free, make yourself at home and God bless you immensely!

Also, just before you go, if you haven't connected with us on social media, please do so!


Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too - oneplustheone@gmail.com



Friday, 24 April 2015

Dear Daddy

My dearest Daddy!!!!

King of my Heart, Core of my existence.. My Super Daddy! My Confidence and my Strength, my solid Defence and my Shield.

It's been such a longgg time I've written to You and I am bursting with things to say to You.. You know Your daughter is a chatter-box :-) Thank You for the 'gift' of talking... It's become one of my tools of trade :-) You make us humans so perfectly perfect.. You equip us with EVERYTHING we need for life and living.. What an AWESOME God You are!

Thank You for the past few weeks. Since the last time I wrote to You, a LOT has gone on and even though I know that You are aware of them all, seeing as You are always mindful of us Your children and nothing ever skips your watch, I still would like to acknowledge them and thank You very much for them!

Thank You for the wonderful news I've heard thus far from family and friends - prayers answered, testimonies abounding - Baba God, odikwa too much, three much, infinity much!!

Thank You for the new circle of ladies I have come to fellowship with in the past few days, what an absolute joy it has been! Thank You for kick-starting this and making it a truly special time indeed. You orchestrate the best meetings #MasterPlanner extraordinaire.

Thank You for the life of a lovely friend who we sadly lost this week. Daddy it is difficult thanking You in times like this because sometimes it just doesn't make sense! I can't seem to fathom why she had to go.. But Lord through it all, I choose to thank You for blessing her family and friends with her life, thank You for the time we spent with her, laughed with her and got to fellowship with her. Please Daddy, Balm in Gilead, heal her husband and family's heart, Prince of Peace, let Your peace rule their hearts, let them feel Your love in an indescribable way. Comfort them Daddy, please let them feel You near like never before and receive strength from You for now and the future.

Thank You for every opportunity, every door that You alone could have opened, every thing I can see and cannot see. Thank You that I have hope in You.. What-ever would my life have been if my hope were not in You, my Hope of Glory!

Thank You for the weekend, it's going to be SUPER, FANTASTIC, SPECTACULAR! Not just for me Lord, but please Daddy, make it so for everyone who desires it and much more in Jesus name.

I love You Mighty God. You are ALL-Mighty!!

Always Your little girl (always and always),
One xx

Image result for little girl writing letter
Always Your little One

Thursday, 23 April 2015

Conversations with One - It's Over! Can I Have My Gifts Back?

Helloooo everyone and welcome to another edition of Conversations with One!

Right, today's question is brought to you on a light note, however it would surprise you how some people take it quite seriously and how it has posed as quite a dilemma to others.

Well, it was a discussion that started off on a radio show (Morning Crossfire on 99.3 Nigeria Info), when the question was asked about what the etiquette was with regards to gifts after the end of a relationship.

Should you return gifts that were given to you during the course of the relationship now that the end has come?

In my head, the answer was quite straightforward but it was very interesting to hear the different perspectives brought on by people who contributed to the discussion - very passionately so!

Now, when you talk about everyday gifts, that's fine but when we go into more expensive gifts like jewellery, an engagement ring, a car, deeds to a house etc, it becomes quite 'complicated'..

Image result for expensive gifts
It's... Complicated
So of course, we brought it to the table and the wonderful people who make up the 1 + The One panel shared their own thoughts... Remember, we only kick-start the convo, please join us by telling us what you think in the comment box below...

Would you keep or return gifts after the end of a relationship?

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Ms Pumpkin United: Soo... my bible says the gift and callings of God are without repentance, therefore I think that we should be like our Father innit.. loll except for the engagement ring though ..

Ok on a more serious note, if a gift were given with the intention that we are one already since we are planning to get married eg engagement ring, possession of the title deeds to a house, a car, then it should be returned if the marriage plans have been dissolved and both parties have gone their separate ways. BUT if in a relationship, you buy or get a car or house or some expensive thing as a gift, not because marriage is in view but because "I just love you and want you to have it" (for the guy), exquise me it's mine. Also if in wooing me you decide to go out of your way to spend and buy 'stuffs' for me and I later agree, if the relationship goes awry later on, you shouldn't expect the gifts to be returned.
Image result for returning expensive gifts
Sorry it didn't work out, here you go, you can have your gifts back!
Mr NumeroUno: I agree with Ms Mumpkin United.
It depends on the people involved and the level, the sentimental value, and what sort of gift, and the terms of break up. 

Ms PumpkinUnited: I believe the motive behind the gift will also determine the outcome. If it's given with the thought of spending the future together so whatever is yours is mine, then it should be returned but if it's just based on "I love you, you love me so I got you this gift", no strings attached to the gift, then no need for returns. But where a demand is placed on it to be returned, I will simply send it back, no need to down grade my integrity for a 'piece of meat'.
Some other people will also want to return it just so as to ensure complete closure and that they have nothing to remind them of that relationship..

Mr NumeroUno: For me, if it were amicable, certain things could be simply negotiated within rational and logical understanding. If it were a 'dirty' break up, sometimes, it's best to cut your losses, and allow for peace to reign.

I don't expect a lady to retain the engagement ring if
(1) She initiated the break up
(2) Was unfaithful and caught or something like that
(3) The ring is above $1000 in value.

One: Haa.. So engagement rings have got 'levels'.. lol

Image result for expensive engagement rings in box
Return it? But it's Tiffany's!
Mr Numero Uno: Social norms expect that she decently returns the ring. (He then has the liberty to insist you keep it. That should be at his discretion).

At the same time, I don't expect the guy in particular to demand stuff back. but this one you mention property like land, that's deep...

One: Lol @ land being deep. A gift is a gift right?.. Like someone once mentioned, a gift is different from a loan. If you've given ('given' being the keyword here) - no matter how huge it is, should you then be entitled to ask for it to be returned?
Also, don't some people consider it an insult when a gift is returned to them?

NubianPrincess: I chuckled as well at land being a deep gift...
Seriously though... A gift is quite simply a gift... If there were strings attached to it, then it wasn't a gift in the first place!!

One: Thank you! :-D

NubianPrincess: Which one is gift given with the expectation of marriage and gift given out of love?? Hiaannn!!! See categorisation... Well, I personally believe, that if anyone gives me a gift while we're in a relationship, if it doesn't work out, I'm not returning anything... Will he also return the gifts I gave him?? For me to use and do what?? Save for the next boyfriend?? Or sell and get some monetary consolation from the breakup?? Hmmmm!! I even think it's insulting... So if friendships end also, will we start returning things? Maturity has to kick in somewhere now... We're no longer on the playground in primary school "you're no more my friend, give me back my doll"!

One: Tell dem sista

NubianPrincess: The only thing that gives me pause is... No not the land, or houses or cars.. LoooL! An engagement ring... And even for this, I think it depends solely on the parties involved... You give an engagement ring (no matter how big or tiny) out of love... You love the person and you want to marry them, here is a physical sign of my love and intentions (One, maybe we should do a convo on "Does the size of my engagement ring signal the size of your love for me??" Hahahahahahaha! iKid iKid... Do I??) Anyways, I digress.... Sometimes, you try returning it and the guy is genuinely hurt because whatever the case may be currently, there was love when the gift was given... So this one, I think play it by ear, if the breakup is amicable, have a conversation about the ring... If it's not amicable however (and this is from a 'prideful' standpoint)... Because I detest insults, I will package the ring plus the box, reenact the proposal scenario sef if possible and return your property to you..

One: Lol @prideful.. Sometimes, one just has to do it for the sake of dignity. I do feel that if the person genuinely cared for you while you were in the relationship, he/she would feel bad or even slighted if you returned the gifts.. It also seems a bit childish or vengeful in a way.. 

Image result for give me back my toy
LOL.. Doesn't it seem a bit like this?
Mr Motivation: I feel the reason why a gift should be returned in the first place should be for closure, so as not to remind the other person of what could have been, particularly if it ended badly i.e. this includes the engagement ring. On the other hand, I feel that the reason for a break up determines whether or not a gift should be returned. It is only gentlemanly not to ask for what one has given out of love in the first place.

One: How about giving them away if you don't want to be reminded of the person? #JustAsking.. I think I've done this.. I just gave some of the things away..

Mr Motivation: In the case of a land or car, irrespective of the benefit or security it brings, I feel it should be returned even without the person asking. My reason is simple, what will he or she tell their eventual future spouse concerning such gift? Personally, I don't welcome the idea of my wife keeping the land or car her ex bought for her. If he insisted on her keeping, I will rather the land and/or the car be sold and the money used for something else.

One
: I like that perspective. I can see how it would be difficult explaining to the new boo why you still have all the gifts from the previous relationship..
Ladies and gentlemen, we've tried as much as possible to share our own candid opinions but we'd like to hear from you! Also, please if you have any, share your real life experiences and how it worked out as well... xxxx

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too - oneplustheone@gmail.com

Friday, 17 April 2015

TONIGHT is the Night!! London Festival of Life, April 2015

The London Festival of Life is here again!!

IN CHRIST ALONE

If you haven't attended one then you definitely need to make it right!! It's always a life-changing, unforgettable time!! The presence of God is amazing, the worship, the drama(!!), the testimonies! All so amazing.. 

TONIGHT, Excel Exhibition Centre, Custom House, London, 7PM.

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PS If you're not in London/UK, you can also watch online http://www.holyghostservice.tv/live/ or  http://www.ohtv.co.uk/live/

Follow on social media as well:

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Another Chance...

"No matter how far off the path you have gotten from the plans and purposes God has for you, when you surrender your life to the Lord and declare your utter dependence upon Him, He carves a path from where you are supposed to be, and He sets you on it."

I read the beautiful quote above in the beautiful book - Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian.

As I read it, it brought such a huge reassurance to me and I hope it does the same for you too..

No matter how far you think you have gone or strayed away from God and His plan for your life, it's not too late for you to achieve them. You will make it!

Even if you imagine or know that you missed a great opportunity - relationship, career, family, ministry - God can give you a brand new one! Don't think because it is gone that it marks the end in your life and destiny.. No way! That's why God is GOD.. He who gave the opportunity in the first place can give you another by His grace and mercy.

You can come back on course by God's grace at whatever age or time you are and pray to God for mercy for a fresh start, a new beginning. He can do it!

I am reminded of the Potter and the Clay in Jeremiah 18:4

 "But the pot He was shaping from the clay was marred in His hands; so the Potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him". 

Image result for potter and the clay

The Potter who formed you in the first place and gave you a purpose (Jer 1:5) can re-form you to make you all that He wants you to be even if you have been marred.

Your experiences, circumstances and past do not disqualify you from being the fullness of ALL that God plans for you. You might have made mistakes, taken a wrong turn, made poor decisions in the past but the moment you come back to Him and surrender it all, He can give you another chance.

Embrace it, don't let the devil tell you lies that it's over, or that it's no longer possible, for with God, nothing shall be impossible!

You will achieve your purpose, you will reach your goal, and God will take all the glory.

xxxxx

Monday, 13 April 2015

The Purpose Centre presents Kickstarters of Vision 2.0


The 2nd edition of the live edition of KICSTARTERS of VISION is HERE and would be holding on Saturday, the 18th of April 2015, and this edition is strictly for ladies (pregnant with a dream).

Registration is free! You can register online www.thepurposecentre.wordpress.com/registration or call 07032472538 or BBM: 24D3BB56 to register.

Note: only 70 seats available!

"The KICKSTARTERS of Vision weekly twitter teaching series is an inspired idea to share the biblical principles that have been used since the inception of the vision we received from God to 'raise a PURPOSE-driven generation of nation builders'" - Noah Toluleke (Convener, Kickstarters of Vision)

If you miss attending the 2nd edition of the live edition strictly for ladies, please join them every Monday by 6pm on twitter @kingnoahspeaks or #kickstarters!

Please ensure you finish the race God put you on this earth to run…but you cannot finish until you kick-start it.

Exceed!

Thursday, 2 April 2015

Conversations with One - I Can't Deal with their Past!

Hello and welcome to another edition of Conversations with One!! Happy New Month as well! It's the month of April and we are excited!! May showers of blessings be upon you and yours in Jesus name.

No long intros today, let's cut right to the discussion today, right? :-)

"I am in a relationship with this lovely person - very special and I care deeply for the person (I could almost call it love). However, recently I found out something that they did in the past. Even though it is in the past, it is now affecting our relationship as I can't get it out of my mind. Do you think it matters? Should I just call it a day now. How do I handle this?!"

So, ladies and gentlemen, what do you think?

'How much should the past affect the present/future?'
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Ms MIA: If I found myself in this situation, I would ask myself a few questions before even attempting to make a decision on this matter:
- Do I love him/her? I can see from the first sentence that they are not sure they love the person in question
- What has he/she done and are they remorseful/repentant?
- If need be, have they restituted for that past error or are they willing to if God leads them in that direction?
- Are they willing to move past that error themselves? Only because you may be willing to forgive yet the person hasn't forgiven him/herself.

If the answer to these questions are positive, then I will go ahead with the relationship. To start with, it's not my own error. Secondly, since the person is a Christian I believe that once they repent and God leads them on the path of forgiveness and restitution (for some), there is then no condemnation.

Image result for repent and let go
Where there is repentance and God has forgiven, there is no condemnation
One: Hmmm, that's interesting.

Ms MIA: I learnt something today from a gospel teaching that Christ died as the atonement for sins and the reason for forgiveness therefore we shouldn't expect it from people. This means that I am meant to forgive people who hurt/offend me because of Christ and the price He paid, not because of them and what they did or can do.
My last two questions are really for the sake of the partner and in order to have a peaceful relationship because it's just too hard when people lock themselves in chains of unforgiveness even though they ought to be free. This bondage affects many couples in today's world.

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Inability to forgive yourself can be a huge bondage.. Break FREE!
One: Thanks a lot for this Ms MIA. You're right, it's important to check if the person has forgiven themselves. It can be a huge shackle and stumbling block in the relationship if the person themselves won't let go.
On the other hand, while forgiveness is the way forward,  how about if I cannot bear the thought of having someone with that particular past as a spouse? Eg something that might have a repercussion or consequences?

NubianPrincess: Like Ms MIA said, I think it really boils down to 3 questions:

1. Do you love the person and are you convinced that he/she is God's best for you?

2. Can you live with the thought of what the person has done without anger or condemnation or unforgiveness?

3. If there are consequences from the past mistake, can you live with the consequences and be happy?

If the answers to the above are all yes, then I think the person can go ahead with the relationship.

But if there is any doubt as to the acceptance and love you can show the person without throwing the past mistake in the person's face at every turn, then please hold on, take a break, pray about it and then make a decision.

Especially as Christians, (again like Ms MIA said), if the person has truly repented, there is no condemnation, so we too cannot set ourselves up as judge over others. If the person is a good person, has genuinely repented, and adds to your happiness, then I'd advise you go ahead.

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You have no right to play Judge and jury!
One: Great points and questions to consider. Do you think the ability to accept the past and go ahead with the relationship depends on individuals as well? What's your tolerance threshold?

Miss Me
: Yes One, I do think it depends on the person themselves as well. Some people in their nature can easily let go of things and look ahead whilst some do not let go as easily. If the past offence is already a considerable issue while courting then it will only become an even bigger issue in marriage.

One: Very true!

Miss Me: Obviously if this is somebody you believe and are convicted that you can make a home with, then of course God is more than able to heal the person and let it not be an issue. But you also have to be willing to let go.

Frankly speaking, spiritually and practically pray about it, speak to someone trustworthy, it's also worth letting the "offending" partner know why and how you're struggling with the offence and then make your decision after careful God-led consideration.

One
: Brilliant point. Indeed, it is important to communicate how you feel to your partner. Communication is key!

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It is important to be open in communication. Lovingly convey your thoughts to them
NubianPrincess: Let me give an example to "buttress'' the point again... We were having a discussion in my team at work a few weeks back. We're two girls and 4 guys.

We had asked the guys if they could marry a girl who's had an abortion. One guy said no, and the others were very open to marrying her, saying who hasn't made a mistake and all that... However, when the point came to what if the abortion(s) have affected her ability to have children, they weren't as quick to answer.... After a lot of thought, 2 of the guys were like "nah...." But the other one was like sure... that they'll explore adoption etc

Essentially, it boils down to personality... Like Miss Me said, some people have a low tolerance level and some people have a high tolerance level... You need to know what works for you... You need to COMMUNICATE openly so that you and your partner understand the challenge you're facing and maybe even that discussion can help allay some of your worries. Also, speaking to a TRUSTED, WISDOM-FILLED person is important and can help you really see the issues as they are...

Most importantly, you need to PRAY!!! The Holy Spirit always has a way of calming us, guiding us and giving us peace about the decisions we must take! :)

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Don't neglect the important place of prayer - to ask for direction, peace and grace to handle the situation
One: Thanks for drawing from a live discussion and sharing what seems like a mini opinion poll :-).

Ms UTA: Let me take it further... What would be your reaction if the person had committed cold blood murder as a former leader of a cult while in university? This one is hard oh! A murderer? The lady would sleep with one eye opened should they get married, lol

NubianPrincess: Mur-gini??

Hmmmmm... This one is hard ooooh!!! I'm very tolerant usually, but I already have a lot of issues sleeping at night... How will I manage if I know hubby dearest has killed before? Will I be next? My children nko? Will I be comfortable leaving the kids with him?

Hian! This is a different ball game ooh... GOD has to show me a living vision and confirm it through a number of people and maybe speak directly from heaven before I will 'gree ooh...

Then what will I tell Mummy and Daddy Nubian? Or my sister? Or I won't disclose?? I have to disclose oh, incase I go missing one day...

Ahn, One... This one has passed me... My heart rate has tripled just now...

Let me make a cup of Earl Grey and relax.... Murder... God help us oooh!!!

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Blood on their hands?!
One: Loll.. NubianP, calm down! 
One of my friends who became a toaster had told me previously about him being in a cult. I suspect (almost 100%) that he's killed quite a number of people in his lifetime. He was the leader. 

If you saw him, you would never believe he could harm a fly. Good looking, very kind and considerate person. He's a Christian and you cannot imagine him being in a cult, not to talk of harming someone else.

To be honest, when I slightly considered the possibility of being with him, his past came flashing up like a neon sign! I was thinking of the spiritual and physical implications oh! However, I believe that if he showed beyond a shadow of doubt that he was sold out to Christ, I would definitely consider it. (And ask God to talk to my family, haha)

I think discussing your fears would depend on the relationship you have with the person. If you cannot discuss it then check your friendship (it's very hard though, I must confess) because you don't want them feeling bad about themselves on your account. (Particularly something they've told you in confidence)

Ms PYT: I think it's easier to point fingers at people when we are on the other end of the game.
If only we knew everyone's past, I wonder who we'll talk to.
The past should remain in the past and forgotten.
To answer Ms UTA's questions. most cultists were either forced to join or suppressed to peer pressure. Most cultists don't announce that they were once cultists or hit men. As long as the person is a changed person and his character doesn't reflect otherwise, every other thing is irrelevant.

To the main topic
I sometimes wonder as Christians if we really practise what the bible says. It's easier to love someone when everything is going fine. To be honest, when a person's past can affect their future, then it's really worth thinking about.

One
: Hmmmm definitely something to think about... If I had a 'past' would I want to be judged by it all my life? 

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If no, then why can't I extend the same grace to others?
To be honest, it's easier said than done.

Guys where are you?! We need male opinion(s) as well! :-D

Mr Motivation
: I intend to be very very brief..lol. I once heard Mike Murdock say "What you say is not as important as what people remember" and it's based on this statement that I give my comment.

One: Proceed sire, proceed!

Mr Motivation
: You see marriage is for life and by that being so, one must be careful not to carry along any baggage that may cut short a journey that was meant for a lifetime. My reason for this is that, it is imperative that one must forgive and do all things necessary to forget, because any reminder of the past through spoken words have the potential of destroying what was meant to be beautiful.

Miss PYT dropped some 'hot rhema' at the Lounge (our House Fellowship)  and it was based on the scripture Ephesians 5:24 - Husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church. This goes to show that as a Husband, I must represent Christ and if He was forgiving and forgetting, so must I. So in other words, for me to have a happy and fruitful marriage, I must love as Christ does the church. With that said, e no easy oh....lol but Grace is made available.

One
: Nice one, very nice one. I am currently writing an article for work on the sacrifice of love in relation to Easter and Jesus' ultimate sacrifice, and I am having to ask some deep questions to test how deep your love is and mehnnn.. Odikwa very serious.. (I should share the list actually).

When people say "I can die for you!". It may be wise to truly truly think about what the implication is.. If you can die for me, then all these things should be minor.. lol

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Are you willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for love's sake?
Like Mr Motivation said, e no easy but grace is made available :-)

On that note ladies and gentlemen, we welcome you to join in the discussion. What do you think? What would you do? Would you be willing to marry someone with a 'heavy past'? Or would it be too much for you to handle?

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