Monday, 26 March 2012

The wait will be worth it!


I saw the above picture earlier on and it made me smile :-)
In a funny way, I hope it encourages someone. I know how frustrating it is during the waiting period for THAT guy to come your way. Sometimes it seems like everyone else but you has a proposition or the other!

Good things are not for the 'every'. You know it takes a special guy to approach a special girl and sometimes like the picture states, the good ones are seen as hardwork so lesser men will prefer to settle but I am confident that a man who is worth his salt is coming soon and he will be very willing to go more than the extra mile when he realises what a treasure you are and that you are sooo worth the effort!

Don't get tired or exasperated, be encouraged!

Have a wonderful week folks! xxxx

Monday, 19 March 2012

The Case of in-laws!

What is it with in-laws and why is there such hoo-haa when it comes to dealing with some in-laws?
Unfortunately, the woman (wife) usually gets the brunt of these in-law problems and sadly, women are their own worst enemies as they are the ones who are the main perpetrators aka Mothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, female cousins-in-law, aunties-in-law and if you're very unfortunate, nieces-in-law! (That's not to exclude men cause some men are just as, if not more terrible in some cases!)

Why can't we all live together in peace?! :-)


I know that in many parts of Africa, in-law problems are very common but I realise that it also happens in many other parts of the world, only that the way it is demonstrated may differ. So, while in Africa we tend to be more expressive, in Europe for instance, it's more a 'cold' war, with the parties giving one another the cold treatment and staying away as much as possible. (you need to read this story to believe her experience! https://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/4-rules-for-dealing-with-mother-in-laws/)

I am particularly perplexed as to why a woman would want to destroy another woman's home?! I have heard of cases where mothers-in-law have thrown the legal wife of their son out of the house! The question is that would they rather their son be with a broken home than for them to try as much as possible to get along with his wife?

I have already seen some ladies I know gearing up to be in-laws from hell! Their demands and expectations of their brothers' wives are so ridiculous it's laughable! Would it be too much to live and let live?
Personally, I believe a lot of the issues stem from possessiveness, competition and jealousy that another woman has come to win the heart of their beloved male relative!

So what do you think? Should we start binding the 'spirit' of evil in-laws? Is it possible to get along greatly with your in-laws? Any tips for those struggling?
As for me, I have started active prayers and preparation oh! lol.. One has to be prepared! :-) xxxx

Monday, 12 March 2012

Journey to the One (2)

... Here's the other part of the tale of my first love (FL). I would do this post differently and start to mention the things that I learnt from this particular experience. Some from the upheavals I experienced, while some are things that occurred to me with the fortune of hindsight (hope it makes sense!)

1. I always had a bit of an unrest in my mind about the fact that he wasn't a born again Christian but I was so into him, I was fine with him being just a good guy : Now the danger here is that there were certain things that I believed in that he didn't necessaray share the same values. Chief of that was my stance on pre-marital sex which was a no-go area and I wasn't willing to compromise. Truth is that he never did put any pressure on me but I believe the thought that he would have to remain celibate throughout the life of our relationship(!) was one of the things that contributed to us breaking up. The importance of being honest and open about expectations in  your relationship at the beginning cannot be over-stressed. It would help to avoid heartbreak in future. Trust me, it's worth it! Don't avoid the 'serious' talk, face it full on and be prepared to act on the outcome..

2. From this relationship, I understood that love is real and can be a beautiful thing! Truth is I am grateful for this experience because even though after this, along the way I have come across a lot of love 'look-alikes', my relationship with FL made it possible for me to know first hand that 'that' kinda butterfly-inducing tingling sensation is VERY possible. It's not a myth as some love-cynics may suggest but it is very possible. I have had discussions with people who have lost faith in the possibility of true love as a result of things they have been through and they are quite adamant that there is no such thing as real love. Others have said that ALL men are terrible and that relationships/marriages are meant to be endured not enjoyed. Well I strongly beg to differ. Not only did I have the absolute delight of being in a loving relationship, I have seen marriages of many years to support my view! So, I am always grateful to FL that my first real relationship set the pace for me to keep on believing, keep hope alive! I refuse to settle for less than the best as I have experienced that the best IS possible :-).. Oh and of course with GOD all things are possible.. YES!!

3. Romance books can damage your sense of reality: Now, I am not against romantic novels or literature (Myne Whitman, I believe, I believe :-) but I would say that it is very necessary to not get lost in fiction and forget how to live in real life! I read a LOT! And 90% of my reading are romantic fictions (especially Mills and Boon and the likes at that time). Now, my favourite part of a romantic novel is that part towards the end when something will happen that will make the main characters have a disagreement (almost or actually leading to a break-up) and then something happens to bring them back and the reconciliation bit makes the time spent reading the novel worthwhile. I used to look forward to the fights! Oh la la! Usually after a 'successful' fight, both parties admit that they actually do love each other or there's a proposal or there's a tearful and beautiful reunion with a stronger affirmation and profession of love for each other *swoon* (did I forget to mention that I love love?? :-) Anyways, so when I was in my first real relationship, I had a serious case of 'UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS'... My goodness, was I infected badly! I used to instigate mini-fights and 'let's go on a break' just to spice up the relationship I SMH for myself! As you would imagine, it was very bad for the relationship! At first, FL would beg and accept and it would be just like in the books and movies but after a while it started getting OLD! Infact I have learnt that a good relationship is one in which both parties have realistic expectations of each other without given one's partner the impossible task of being like a fictional character.

Anyways, all these factors coupled with a few more (he never cheated, thank God!), the poor fragile relationship didn't survive.
Interestingly, I had the opportunity to ask him recently what didn't work out from his perspective and his response was that he wasn't able to handle how serious we seemed to be and at that age he couldn't come to terms with the fact that as he was newly in University, he wouldn't have options etc.. Ah well, like I teased him, he wanted to sow his university oats!

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Journey to the One... (1)

Hiya lovely people!

I would never have thought that I would take such a long time in doing a follow-up post to the last one! A lot has been going on and I kinda couldn't find/get my blogging mojo.. But like Stella, I'm trying to get my groove back! (Cheesy I know hehehe)..
So I don't know how to assess the last month.. On one hand it was really good and on another hand it was :-(.. I will spare you the details.

So in my last post, I introduced a series that I hope to continue in the next coming days (not weeks nor months nor years, but days - So help me God!). I was doing a sort of flashback and was evaluating how past relationships have moulded me - knowingly and unknowingly - to the kind of other half I am today.

Now, let me start with my 'first love'..
Most people have one of these, the first guy/girl who showed you what it means to fall deep into the ocean of love. The first person that made your stomach dip whenever you saw him/her or heard their voice. That first crazy/beautiful love. The one that you usually don't forget.
For me, it was the innocent, the world is black and white, love is a simple thing, kinda love. And I loved it!

Growing up as a Christian and coupled with the fact that I was an unrepentant, die-hard romantic (still very much am!), I always wanted and totally believed that I would marry my first boyfriend. I had thought that having waited quite well through my teen years, the boy/man I would finally meet would be the one I would settle with and live happily ever after!

Oh well, when I met my first love (FL), I didn't even think we would ever be in a relationship! It started out as a very innocent friendship and because he was a year younger than I was, I always had it at the back of my mind that 'nah, no go area'.. We grew as friends (thanks to hi5.. who remembers the days of hi5? lol) and in my naivety, I didn't even realise when we started getting closer and my feelings towards him started changing. To be honest, I didn't even think I was ready for a relationship.. besides he wasn't a Christian-Christian like that.. Just a very good guy...

To cut a long story short, he asked me out, I thought 'No way!'... He did again a few weeks later at which point he noted that we had grown so emotionally close and he couldn't hack it any longer as being 'just friends'.. I had a long think about it.. In real terms, we were emotionally involved and saying yes would only make it official (I was SCARED! Me, in a real relationship??!?!!).. In the end, I realised that I really liked him and thought I had grown so attached to him that losing the friendship would have been blahhhh!

...I remember the simple but sweet  things.. the first day he said 'I love you'.. I remember how innocent and almost child-like our relationship was. I remember how having never been hurt or experienced the realities of a relationship (apart from what the endless rom coms and novels I had fed on hitherto taught me), I felt so relaxed and care-free.. I had no issues with trust (Well.. apart from when I conjured things in my head...), I was so confident in the relationship and in myself as a person (healthy self-esteem :-) that I could never even imagine him looking at another girl!

Anyways, then came the lull in the relationship, we both had some growing up to do etc etc.. I will have to continue this in a bit as I have a meeting to attend now :-)

xxxx