Thursday, 31 July 2014

Conversations with One: Reading the Writings on the Wall!

That's not us.. Or is it?!

Conversations with One is a new chat-series on the blog. Each week, my wonderful friends and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective..
Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed Qualities that Attract in the Opposite Sex. You can also have a read of previous 'episodes' HERE. 

Thanks to everyone who joined in last week! It was great reading the variety of expressions! May God bring your heart's desires to pass according to His will.

Today's topic of discussion sparked different view-points from the 1 + The One panel!. I look forward to reading your take on it too! Here goes!

"There's this nice girl I've been trying to talk to and been trying to get her to go out on a date but she keeps saying she's busy! Busy in the morning, busy in the afternoon, busy after work, weekends and public holidays... I know she works really hard and is quite busy but how busy can someone be? Help please!!"

May I add this sub-question to the dilemma above:

"What are the 'writings on the wall' to show that he/she is just not that into you"

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NubianPrincess: Loool @ the busyness of the babe! My dear, in very simple English, she's just not into you, I'm sorry! From personal experience, when I'm not into a guy, I'm busier than a one-eyed cat watching nine rat holes! Lol... You just cannot reach me! I return calls 96 hours later - mostly with a short text proclaiming my busyness and saying I will call him back "soon"! I'm ALWAYS in meetings, all my lunches, brunches and dinners are fully booked for the next one month... And when all else fails, I just go AWOL!

A 'busy' woman is sometimes an uninterested woman
I think when a girl is interested, to start with, she'd at least enjoy having a conversation with you. As humans, we make time for the things that are important to us, this applies to both guys and girls. If someone even remotely tickles your fancy, you'd at least make out time for one date before you write him/her off entirely...

One: LOL! NubianP, I can recognise many similarities! I feel bad admitting it, but it's true! That is a MAJOR sign from a babe that she's not into you - busyness! I become 'busier' than the President of the United States!
The truth like you said is that we make time out for things that are important to us. When I do like a guy, I could be as tired as a Labourer but I would look forward to talking/chatting with the individual even if it involves dozing on the phone - forget all that 'busy' talk, that's code for "broda it ain't happening"

Ms PumpkinUnited: If I like a guy, he will know. I don't know how to pretend nor bottle my feelings, I love to EXPRESS myself.. When something tickles my fancy I give it all the attention I can muster . .. When I'm also not into you, I try to be nice about it and give gentle signals just like NubianP listed but when you decide to join the "She's only playing hard to get clique" I simply switch to my zombie mode, shikena. I like my space and really don't like to be bothered when I don't want..

But I can still like to do small shakara if it's a guy I like that's coming around (it's allowed, I'm a babe :-) ) ..

Miss Me: The signs are there to see but you turn a blind eye hoping it was a mistake. If a guy likes you things like "I'm not quite ready to be in a relationship" will fly straight out the window! I firmly believe that if a guy is interested he will move everything possible to get you! Same for girls as well! Guys, we girls are constantly checking our phones to see if you have replied, when last you've been on Whatsapp, who that random girl is being cosy in the Instagram photo taken 8 weeks ago (we can tell you the time it was taken if you ask nicely!). Basically 2 or more texts and no immediate response with a question encouraging a text conversation, pitch your tent somewhere else! :-)

MsUTA: Nice one. Another funny one I read somewhere is that if a lady tells a guy that she's a "slow texter" then she's certainly not interested because ladies are good at multi-tasking. She'll text you back in the middle of a meeting, at weddings (easily), in the bath, toilet, whilst having lunch or even dinner with family - in short, nothing or no one else will matter to her. So guys, don't even make a 2nd attempt once you hear "I am a slow texter" lol

I like you = No texting excuses
Mr NumeroUno: I feel inspired by Nubian's response, and may have learnt a thing or two as well. Thank you for that!
From a guy's angle I think men might also do something similar.
Let me share a little of my personal experience and hope it may be helpful either now or in the future.
My most recent interests came from two very fine born-again sisters. One (not the blogger lol) got my number somehow and leaves a voice message that I should get back that it was urgent. I then call back to consider the emergency on board. What was it? She had a dream about me, and wanted to see if I was okay. E gba mi o! Ok! is that the emergency? 



Me: What was the dream?'
Babe: Don't worry about it.
Me: Ok.

She dreams another 4 dreams after, and beats the record of Joseph.

Response: Quite frankly, either you're ready to share the dream, or please keep the fact that you dreamt to yourself. 

Hehehe
Where am I going? The other girl too, had her dreams, and refused to tell me, but the funny thing is, I had a soft spot for one, and could overlook what might have been an irritation.

The second interesting point, I wish to also put out there is that 'Josephine' is rather attractive. The first time I saw her in church, during a prayer meeting, I just kept staring at her for as long as I could when I thought no one noticed... But why the sudden irritation? I heard her speak. OMG! She was a chatter box literally! She didn't stop! I could figure out her life in one day. Mega recipe for disaster! lol 

So how did I show my lack of interest? Normal. 
1. One liners
2. Delayed responses to calls or text or Facebook, etc.
3. I don't call you. Ever! Except we work together, and can't avoid it, but even at that, I'll find a way out.
4. I pretend not to notice you, (sometimes, it might genuinely be the fact), somehow the girl will be invisible.

If a man likes a woman. (1) He will find a way to get her attention.
(2) He won't be able to help it. He will find himself checking her out one way or the other
(3) He is likely to ask a lot of questions or show some interest in getting to know more about her.

So if he is not constantly in your life, one way or the other. Then the interest is at a platonic stage.

One: And Numero Uno comes out in full colour haha.. Meanwhile, what were you doing checking out a girl during prayer meeting, were your eyes not meant to be closed ni? lol

Ms MIA: I've got to say that all these responses are making me laugh so much in the office, my colleagues must be wondering if I inhaled laughing gas or something!
'One eyed cat watching nine rat holes'? Oh my goodytwoshoes! And MissMe, you're classic! You just summed up us girls when the right guy is whispering the right things. Also, very true that we can text anywhere in this world, even in front of that boss that wants to whip off your head. We've already rationalised that jobs will come and go but a good broda, who can find???

Mr Ogbomosho: Yeh!! Yeh!! Yeah!! Yeah!!!!!
Women!!!! Chai!!!
I am choosing to be the opposite of all that has been said!
Hope = Hanging Onto Positive Expectations. Expectations are different, guys are hunters, if you watch National Discovery you will see how hunting is done, requires patience persistence etc
In fact sefff you women are greater HUNTERs!!!!

Whilst I agree that busyness means not interested, the girl/guy might actually be but is influenced by external factors!!!!

One: Yeah right! 'External Factors' hehe.. I see your point, but Mr Ogbomosho, there is hunting and there is hunting - abeg let us recognise worthy hunting 'investments'.

Ms MIA: For me, I feel like the dynamics change a bit when it's a guy chasing 'sometimes'. I put that in quote because it's not absolute. If a girl is texting a lot and broda is not responding, Sister, plix save your airtime! However, I believe it is a God-given ability for men to chase and I've seen cases where the girl doesn't really like what she sees at first and for that reason she closes up and barricades herself with iron bars, but with the right amount of persistence, she reluctantly agrees to maybe even speak on the phone... Girl hears guys voice and of course (if he is a smooth guy), interest will develop and the rest is 'How we Met' on Bellanaija.
Now that is not an everyday scenario so thread carefully Broda!

One: Ms MIA nooo please don't encourage them!! Some dudes don't understand where to draw the line - they think "she's just playing hard-to-get, let me persist" lol

Mr Ogbomoso: For some they are determined to break the business, in their mind that’s the biggest front you have; the likelihood of breaking that is what some find attractive. When you’re attracted to someone whether they give you audience or not you are more likely to do everything you can to convince the person. You make excuses for their not returning your messages until you ‘wake up’ that waking up process is a mystery and no one can do it for you really.



One: Maybe the prayer point will now change to "Lord wake him/her up, do it Lord, please do it!" Hehe

Mr NumeroUno: I don't get it though.
Why would I want to commit the rest of my life to a sceptic...someone who is not sure about me...or an irritant, someone who finds me a nuisance or turn off...or Miss/Mr Universe...someone who thinks he/she is all that and too busy to return your call. I don't even see the attraction.
We are talking about your precious life!
That vacancy is not for a stranger! Not at all! 

One: Spot on.. You deserve someone who thinks you're all that and much more!!

Ms MIA: I don't necessarily see it as committing to someone who's sceptic or an irritant. And it's not to encourage the guy but matters of the heart are tricky and some things are not black and white.
We read these stories don't we? Maybe even seen it happen. The girl is not necessarily responding or coming forth but one day her friends tease her to give him a chance or she just sees him as really persistent and bang, story changes.
It's not to say carry on calling like a jobless man, but give it reasonable time and pull back after then. Sometimes if it's right, she'll look for you then, otherwise life goes on.

Mr JohnNash: Every remarkable thing I ever wanted (including the woman of my dreams) I found on the other side of fear.

One: Hmm. Preach it!

Mr JohnNash: Nothing good comes easy.
If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

I am currently on one case at the moment, I am almost there. Through the process I have received scars. However, all my scars won't matter any more because in the end I will get what I want.

I think a man should know when to give up.

Ms Angel: Truth is, I am going to be very reluctant to return 7 missed calls from someone who "just wants to say hello" for fear that the calls may increase.
My issue is handling the fact that some men/women may not understand when the other person becomes uncomfortable. Any advice? Also, are there different rules of friendliness for guys brought up in different areas (say...African culture vs British culture)? #IReallyNeedToKnowCosItsSeriouslyBeenOnMyMindForAWhileAndIDontMindFastingOverThisTopicToBeReal.

But then you would still be surprised at some guys who seem not to be bothered, but still slip in mid conversation after speaking to them every 4 months, "So...who is your Boaz then?" or "Are we still awaiting the promise?" (I don't understand the second one btw). I call these guys "prayin-mantis".

*Public appeal* - We would be grateful if you could help Ms Angel understand the concept of 'Are we still awaiting the promise?' lol.. 
On that note, we end this week's discussion! 
What's your take on it? To persist or to read the writings on the wall?

Join us again next week for more Convos with One! If you would like to ask a question please send your email to oneplustheone@gmail.com xx

Friday, 25 July 2014

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

Look at that, Friday is almost over and I haven't 'checked in' yet. 

Forgive me ma Cherie Papa!

I love You Lord. Thank You for being my God. You deserve my best - my best praise, my best worship, my best prayers, my best time. 

Thank You for understanding my every joy, every pain, every delight, every hurt, every jubilation. Thank You for being my best friend who never leaves nor forsakes me; through it all Daddy, You remain steadfastly faithful. 

Thank You for giving me the grace to dream - Daddy You know this your lil girl is quite the dreamer - Joseph ain't got nothing on me! Lol. Thank You for making the dreams even more pleasurable, because I know that You translate them to amazing reality and more than that, You always surpass my wildest imagination!! Almighty Father, You're just TOO MUCH!

Thank You for giving me fellow dreamers as family and friends! It's exciting sharing our dreams, believing together, encouraging one another and celebrating with one another when those dreams come through. Thank You for loving us all so equally, yet uniquely. You are the Love-Master! The Owner, Founder, Creator of Love.... You have the copyright on love, you define love, in fact, YOU are love!

Lover of my Soul, be glorified, be exalted in all of heaven and on earth!

I love You my no 1. 

Always and always,
One xx

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Conversations With One: Qualities that attract in the Opposite Sex!

Hiya everyone! Hope you've had a great week! The weekend is in sight - Yayy! lol.

Conversations with One is a new chat-series on the blog where each week, my wonderful friends and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective..

That's not us.. Or is it?! :-D
Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed Help! My Man's BFF is a 'She' and the previous one on Men and Communication! It's been really engaging and I say a huge thanks to you all for joining in!

Today's topic of discussion is one that elicited a lot of comments (full of laughs) from the amazing 1 + The One panel!  -

"What do you look out for in the other person when it has to do with relationships? What are the qualities that attract you and are important to you in a man/woman?"

As Christians we all believe that the foundation is for the person to have a solid relationship with God, because it definitely goes a long way in determining how they relate with you.
So, in addition to the God-factor, what are the other qualities that matter to you?
I am really glad that we had very frank and very practical responses (oh it was such a laugh too!). As always, we throw the question open to you and we invite you to please share your thoughts and views in the comment section below!

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Ms Hope: I have always been drawn to smart, intelligent 'A' grade men. Beyond looks, posh-ness and carriage (all these are good as well) ‎I have discovered being exceptionally smart is one quality I never will discriminate on.

Ms PumpkinUnited: When I was a girl, my catchment areas in a guy were the usual stereotype -tall, dark and handsome, 'bad boy' prince charming that would sweep me off my feet, but when I grew into a young lady, I added diction, romantic, good smell, good dress sense and generosity. these have all come into play in my past relationships and have come short in one way or the other and disappointed woefully ..

Nubian Princess: I saw the "when I was a girl" part first and thought, is there something I don't know? Are you now a man? Hehehehe! Nothing but love pumpkin!

Boy/Girl... Boy? Girl? lol
Okay, what do I want in a man? A quality that I really look for in a man is MATURITY! I used to tell One that my husband must be at least 5 years older, and she thought I was crazy! Loool! But seriously though, I need for my SO to be very, very, very mature! In practical terms, someone who has developed an attitude of integrity, who is responsible, who can make sacrifices for our family, who is humble, who can maintain an attitude of gratitude - doesn't have a self-entitlement attitude, who can prioritise his time to put me first, who is teachable, who seeks wisdom before making decisions and so on. 

NubianPrincess: Ooooh... And then it won't hurt if he's over 6 feet tall, has really muscular forearms, with chiseled movie star cheekbones, a smile that can stop my heart from beating, eyes that have a way of seeing all the things I'm not saying, a great job, a sense of purpose, is emotionally honest.... *swoon* *fanning self frantically* *going to drink a glass of cold juice*

Ms Angel: Lolll, In my opinion, I think It's funny that when you meet a guy, all your preferred qualities or stereotypes that you've written down on a piece of paper somewhere for God to bear in mind when 'the time is right' all end up flying out the window when you realise 'Mr Right' comes.
The heart of the guy matters. Bibli-cally it is what stores his innermost treasures and determines who He is. Matthew 15:18 talks about how the words we speak affect us more than what we eat. So a man that can speak the Word is very important to me.
The face matters too... but I feel he can't be ridiculously fine because he will probably outshine me lol (that may have been a joke lol).

One: LOL @ not ridiculously fine so he doesn't outshine you..
One of my Aunt's used to say that she didn't want to marry a man that was too handsome (is there anything like that??) because the problem of managing all the attention would be too much.. I used to look at her like huh?! Give me a (very) good-looking man please, the Lord will give me grace when we come to that bridge haha..

Mr JohnNash: The ladies are about to dominate this topic. So I will save the guys...:-)

What do I look for in a woman? I was told a couple of weeks by one of my ex girl friends: Nash, you like fine girls. Look at A, B, C, D you dated in the past. Is it a coincidence they are all pretty?

I also did a reality check and realised almost all the girls I have dated are unimaginably brilliant! It's strange. It's like I have an affinity for smart girls.

However it's a lot more than beauty and brains.

I think a woman with no ELEMENT of violence will be great for me. A woman who is a worshipper will also do, the one who can pray me to destiny. Finally a woman who can engage me intellectually won't be bad at ALL.

One: And Mr JohnNash saves the men! lol.. So, what do you mean by no element of violence? Ahn ahn women are the softer vessels now.. In my mind, I am imagining the woman with a hidden machete for anytime you misbehave.. or someone whose hands are customised for rapid slaps.. Pray tell, expand JohnNash!

                       

Mr JohnNash: One! You are a joker! So I know a guy who has bought like 10 TVs in the last few years. He has a girl friend with a very bad temper. Any little misunderstanding she throws the TV down from the balcony. I consider that really funny. She's quite vicious and aggressive. I am afraid of girls like that. I can't handle it.
Obinrin oniwa tutu oloro tutu.
For those of us who don't speak Yoruba the above means a gentle woman with soft words...

Nubian Princess: Ahnnnn.... She throws the TV down ke??? Your friend is patient oooh... Why can't they fight in her house??!! Must it always be his house? Na wa oooh!!! A bit of 'Un-Christian' advice... Next time, he should go and visit her then pick a fight... Break her TV, flower vases, sound system, windows, bed sef.... Loooool!

Okay... Okay... I kid... At least I think I do...

Mr JohnNash: NubianPrincess, I never knew you were a comedian. Trust me it's wise for them to have the argument in his house. Else he would have to replace the TV, flower vases etc with more expensive ones. Lol

Ms PYT: Hello all! The first time I met my hubby, I went back home thinking what an intelligent, funny, smart and above all good looking guy with 'swags' (lol)

I wasn't looking for a God fearing, holy or 'spirikoko' guy because I wasn't even a Christian then. I just wanted someone who was sincere all round.‎ He was a perfect gentleman for me so the God/ religious factor started when we got married.

Ms MIA: Hello everyone! My 2cents.. I've got to be honest (my mother says that your eye must first accept the food before your mouth) so my interest is first drawn to a tall, nicely built, cute face young man, then his 'hello' will be singing melodies to my ears in the way he speaks it! I guess in simple words, I like a guy who is 'Foine' and speaks well and meaningfully....smart guy! Past the 'hello' though, he becomes a keeper if he can meet 2 main things:
- He loves God with the heart of a child. You know that sincere heart that keeps running back like David
- He demonstrates leadership. I cannot follow the one that doesn't know his bearing or cannot lead me anywhere!

Ms Hope: ‎I love a man who can lead whilst I follow, but I don't want the one who is so set in his ways that I can't influence his decisions.

Ms TrueTalk: Hmmm, I am drawn to intelligent/ witty men- men who kind of 'know' your thoughts even before you voice them. I am not much ‎of a talker, so I am comfortable with men who get the 'message' with very few words spoken.
I was even more drawn to my hubby because I found a friend, confidante and companion in him. He was someone I could tell everything and anything 'no holds barred'. Beyond the friendship, other qualities such as his kindness, generosity, love of/ for family and of course good looks cinched the deal, if you know what I mean.....

One: I know what you mean sisteh!

MsPumpkinUnited: I remember giving my fiance an excuse when he first asked me out that I couldn't date him cause he is my bestie.. and he was like, "So who better to marry if not your bestie? Abi would you rather marry your enemy or a stranger?" That got me thinking hard.



One: Lol.. Your bestie/fiance is a very wise man!

Mr Ogbomosho: Yes o my people yelzy. This question is tricky sha! There are two deep questions summed into one chat, I will try ooo. Her physical appearance is important to me at first, she doesn't have to be a superstar but I want to be able to show her off to my friends.
Wot do I mean by that?
I must like what I see!!!
What do I like to see?!!!
Hmmmmmm
No overload!! I want to be able to see her and restrain from turning to see her again but my head turns itself!!!!



In simple terms there has to be attraction, what I feel attracted to is different from other people.

I have a scripture to back this up if you want, ask me :-)

Ms Angel: Soooo....H'i h'am h'askin *full teeth grin* Scripture pleaks sir. I don't disagree with you, just curious.

Let's noth forgeth...She must smell good too!!! The anointing must be 'perceivable'.
(Ruth 3:3).teehee.

Mr Ogbomosho: One of my favourite scriptures in the bible SOS 1:2
Gbam!!!!!! I can decode if u want but......... I don't want

One: Gbam! I think I am going to frame that scripture! I Love it! Lol

.... And on that note, we wrap up this week's convo.. But not before we ask you, what are the qualities that attract you to consider a relationship with someone? (Hope that makes sense? lol)

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Join us again next week for more Convos with One! If you would like to ask a question please send your email to oneplustheone@gmail.com xx