Saturday, 30 July 2016

Conversation Saved My Life!

Something really special happened to me in the last week.



I had a conversation with a very dear friend of mine which I had been stalling for a very long time. After many postponements, shying away and practically running away from having the conversation with my dear friend, this week became the proverbial day of judgement!

One thing I'm grateful for is that this conversation saved the life of a deep friendship that could have been lost over what I'm sure would be so trivial in a few years' time that we would both struggle to even remember why it was important in the first place.

A few things I learnt:

Friday, 29 July 2016

Dear Daddy

My Darling Baba mi loke,

Oh sometimes Daddy, it sounds 'sweeter' praising and extoling you in my Yoruba language. It sounds so beautiful and so deep!

Indeed praising you in any of my Nigerian languages makes me enter into a deeper level of worship and praise! Thank You for giving us so many languages!! I look forward to praising You in multiple languages when we get to heaven *whoop whoop!!

Allow me to practice a little here...

Oba mi, Alade wura, Kabiyesi. Alade Ogo, Emi ni ti n je emi ni.
Alagbara giga
Kiniu eya Juda
Oyigiyigi
Atobajaye
Alewilese, Aleselewi
Ajinde at Iye
Eyin lana, Eyin loni, Eyin lola
Talaba fi o we!
Oba awon Oba, Eledumare
Oba Iyanu, Iyanu ni ise owo yin!
Ese o Jesu! Ese Oluwa, Ese O Oba to soro mi dayo
Orisun Ayo mi, Orisun Ife mi, Orisun aiye mi!
Mo gbe yin ga!!

Oh Lord I could sing of Your love forever!
Agunechemba 1
Omalicha!
Okorobia dinma!
Malite na gugu
Chukwu, Chineke, Igwe!

What an Awesome God You are!

You are beautiful beyond description, my God who's indescribable!
Victorious God, merciful King!
King of Glory, Awesome Wonder

Thank You for loving me Daddy.

I LOVE YOU!

Always and always,
One xxxx

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

LLL - Thinking Out Loud: Team Singlehood, Get Me Outta Here!!!

The reason why Love, Life and Lightchild is coming on Tuesday this week is Lightchild's fault!! *points finger*

Just thought to put it out there... Yes, I'm not loyal hahaha

#HilaryForPresident  + Couldnt find one of Michelle O pointing! *I digress* :-D
Ok, on a serious note though, better late than never. I want to really really appreciate Lightchild's contributions to 1 +The One despite his very (and I say veryyy) busy schedule. Thank you, thank you, thank you! God bless you loads. Like I say, often times, the later it is, the juicier it is... So ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this very deep and rich article for the week, I have no doubt that you will be blessed!

Monday, 18 July 2016

LLL - Thinking Out Loud - Can a Man and Woman be Just Friends?

"Not sure you're going to like this one"

That was the message sent with this week's Love, Life & Lightchild (LLL) post. Of course with that kind of message, I was more than eager to read what it was that I might not like so I quickly scanned the first paragraph and I laughed internally... A topic that I take a stance on passionately and have engaged in many a serious debates with different people on lol. I could almost bet what/whose case he would be going for, so I was ready to read and in Mortal Kombat's voice 'Finish him It' hehehe... But, I was pleasantly surprised.. I found myself nodding at many points, reflecting and learning as well... I will kontinu with my thoughts post-script so that I don't give it all way.. 

Enjoy...
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I was at a friend’s dinner party recently and a few of us (good mix of guys and girls) got talking about friendship and friends and then I decided to ask the one question that usually divides even the closest of friends, based on personal opinion: Can a guy and a girl just be friends? No strings attached?

"This is not my real face" :-D (source)
And as you probably predicted, the general consensus was noooooooooooo! It’s not possible, it’s either they have dated each other at some point, it didn’t work out and they stayed 'best friends' or one of them is secretly liking the other and is dying in silence, or waiting for the right moment to drop the bomb that will probably end their friendship – the “I think I like you more than a friend”.

For some strange reason, this whole conversation got me thinking real hard after dinner and on my way home, I decided to take a look at my friendships and relationships and ask myself if this 'general belief' is actually true in my own life.

You’d most probably not agree with a few things I’m going to say, but I will say it anyway!

So on my drive home, I had this conversation with two of my close friends (yes, you probably would have figured out that they were girls) and wanted to hash out this whole “guys and girls can’t be friends, something must have gone on somewhere, or is going on somewhere” business.
Who is a real friend? (source)
First question I asked was:

Who’s a real friend? What’s a real friendship like? What makes a true friend?
The dictionary puts the definition as “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations – a person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family."

What makes a good and true friendship?
Love, trust, respect, honesty, being mindful, caring, compassion...

I look at my close friends that are female and I can say that the proof is evidently there: they know me to a large extent, there is a mutual level of love, respect, honesty etc. that we share individually and collectively…

They have seen me at my best and at my worst, they are not afraid to tell me the truth or reel me in if they feel that I am not doing what’s right or getting into situations I shouldn’t be in…

If I need to just chill and hang out, I can with them…

If I need some “advice” on certain aspects of life, I can always bounce this off them.

If I’m being unreasonable with my habits (health, work, eating), they call me out on that...

If I am low, they are there to cheer me up…

All of these I can say exist with those I call my close friends and it is vice versa. 

Friendship shouldn't be so complicated! (source)
The only one thing that is non-existing in these relationships or friendship is any thing that can be seen as emotional attachment, sexual feelings or desires. 'Those kind of things that you’d be doing or feeling for someone you’re married to.'

So one of the guys asked, how am I so sure that none of my 'close friends' don’t like me like that and are just 'pretending' to just be friends and waiting for the 'right time to surprise me' or perhaps it’s vice versa? My answer was this: I know that if I liked someone or was attracted to someone, I’d be upfront about it and not try to be sly and be acting like a friend when I know I’m thinking something else on the inside. That’s too much drama and stress. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Nah!

If one party starts to 'catch feelings', then you be honest about it, address it and deal with it. The outcome of this would usually test the genuineness of your friendship!

Sadly, because of the times we are in, when people see a guy and a girl together or talking or hanging out, they would usually want to add 1 plus 2 to get 15 and say there is something going on between them. "They are more than friends...." blah blah bla..

Truth is, it’s not that it’s difficult to talk about a man and a woman being just friends without adding emotions, feelings or sex into the mix.

Just friends.. Without adding emotions, feelings or sex into the mix (source)
Unfortunately, we are the ones missing out in the end, as most people are engrossed with being on the path or journey of finding 'The ONE' and everyone we meet or choose to relate with would have had to be passed through the “is he/she the one?” test before we decide what category we would like to place them – “Try this one out”, “Definite Bae of life”, “Friend zone”, “Avoid at all costs!”, “Time waster”, “Do not pick up”, “Flee all appearance of evil”, “Jesus bind you”!

There are some things that you’d expect that one would learn from home (parents, siblings etc.), but not everyone gets that opportunity in life for various reasons. There are some things about life, or even about the opposite sex that you’d learn from a true friend that in the end, will benefit you and the person you marry.

For instance, one of my friends once told me that because I tend to be overly nice, someone I am just meeting for the first couple of times could easily take it as me showing an interest (of more than being friends) in them or making advances or even leading them on to believe there is more than 'just being friends' on the table. This has saved me from potential sticky situations and drama.

As creative as I am, I can find myself in a fix when it comes to trying new things out, most especially mixing colors when it comes to dressing up (I prefer my safe monochromes – black, white, blue and grey)… But apart from my sisters, my friends don’t shy away from getting me out of my comfort zone when the need arises for me to 'dress up'. 

 
                 From this....                                                 ....To this (Thank God for my friends!) (source)

And the same goes for them as well - whether they are in relationships or not. It doesn’t stop, hinder or wade in on either parties being in meaningful relationships that lead to marriage etc. Where and when that’s the case, boundaries are respected, space is given and partners are well respected also.

Above being able to do everyday life things with friends, the fact that our faith can be shared, and enjoyed, (it’s not everyday fun fun, party party or go out stuffs), I enjoy the fact that I can engage in spiritual activities with my friends, whether going to Church, fasting, praying, doing some study of the Bible etc.

We’ve lost the true meaning of friendship!


Evolving times, media, society, changing times, modern times, call it what you want to. All of these factors have come into play when we talk about friendship.

In the early days of the Bible, as God intended it, you couldn’t just rock up and call any Tom, Dick, Harry, Potter, Chantelle or Shaniqua your friend! Friendship was considered to be a sacred thing, a thing that was never entered to lightly. In fact, for you to call someone a friend, there was some sort of covenant that was entered into, it was that deep! You can look at the accounts of God and Abraham, David and Jonathan.
Beautiful, innocent, pure, deep, friendship *No strings attached* (source)
I guess the answer to the question lies with each person’s view and perspective. Your view and perspective is your reality and that is what you will live by. And until we begin to see things, see life and live it as God intended for us to, we will be the ones missing out on the countless beauties and blessings that are around us, simply because we choose to let the world influence our minds and outlook on life itself.

No wonder the Bible tells us to renew our minds daily and not think like the world thinks. Easier said than done, I know but the rewards of living through God’s reality and not ours is endless!

So what do you think? What’s your take on it? Yes? No?
........Lightchild
You can follow Lightchild on Twitter @light_child , Instagram @lightchildfamily and Facebook -LightChildFamily
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Permission to be the first person to respond to Lightchild's question lol.

Many times, I have debated and vehemently asserted my opinion that guys and girls can't be 'just' friends.. Something is bound to happen to the 'just'. For me, it's just too risky to venture into.

Personally, I have been burnt and in other cases burned (sorry!). The first time I ever had a male bestie, I got burnt (oh sorry, I haven't told you guys that story! lol. I should blog about it!). However, I am still very grateful for that experience because it made me learn a lot! It made me more comfortable with guys, I learnt a lot more of what to do, how to do and it was an invaluable friendship. It didn't stop the emotions, indeed it fuelled the emotions without me even knowing! For me, that's the danger and the risk you run in friendships like that. It doesn't always happen but it can happen and it's not very pretty!

I have to say though that reading Lightchild's post made me hopeful. I think in an ideal world, guys and girls should be able to manage being just friends - and what a beautiful thing it would be. I have met amazing guys who I believe would have made fantastic friends but unfortunately that wasn't explored because I feared that lines would be crossed or blurred and we would have to start looking for ways to try to make sense of it all.

To be honest, I'm not sure I've been fully persuaded by Lightchild BUT I am more open and would hope and pray that we can enjoy friendships in its purest form - male or female.

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:
Twitter: @1plustheone
Google+ - 1 + The One
Instagram: @1plustheone
Email: 1plustheone@gmail.com

Friday, 15 July 2016

Dear Daddy

My dearest Daddy,

It's me again! :-)

My sweet Gentleman of Galilee. Beautiful Saviour, Glorious God.. My Emmanuel. My Great and Mighty King. Awesome Wonder, Sovereign Lord!

I love and appreciate You Daddy and just want to take out these few lines to say THANK YOU.

Thank You for making me me.

Thank You for seeing ALL of me and still love me patiently, deeply and fiercely.

Thank You for looking out for me in such magnificent ways

Thank You for feeling my pain and comforting me through them all.

Thank You for seeing my secret tears and wiping them.

Thank You for encouraging me when no other person's words will do.

Thank You for being the reason behind my smile.

Thank You for giving me hope and making me look forward to what the future holds

Thank You for opportunities and open doors, You're such an Amazing God.

Thank You for my network of friends and family.. You have blessed me with the very best.

Thank You for LMPS, PWC, 1 + The One, GMC, MCD - Lol... So many acronyms.. Thank You G.O.D!

You rock, you rock major! Knowing You is beyond what I could possibly describe. I am complete in You. With You I have everything I could ever need or want or desire. You are my completion. Thank You Baba mi.

My no 1 King. My no 1 Friend. My no 1 Daddy. My no 1 Love. My no 1 Lord. My no 1 Saviour. My no 1 Redeemer. My no 1 Champion. My no 1 Provider. My No 1 Defence. My no 1 Protector. My no 1 Shield. My no 1 Crown. My no 1 Joy. My no 1 EVERYTHING.

Thank you a million times over and more.

I love You.. I couldn't say it enough.

Thank You Daddy.

With all my no 1 love,
One xx

Monday, 11 July 2016

Love, Life & Lightchild - Dealing With Sexual Temptation

Hiya everyone!!

Sorry for being MIA last week... What can I say, life happened! Lol *Sowiee*

Guess what though, we're back! Lol.... And back with bells on! Lightchild is talking about a topic close to my heart. Now for me, the icing on the cake (Cake! I love cake! Sorry, I digress) is that this time he is talking about sex and sexual temptation relating to men! 

On 1+ The One, we've discussed Sex a number of times - Waiting and Loving It, Team V for the Win and so on. Usually, it's written from a woman's perspective so I am delighted to read from a man's point of view.. Here you go, hope you are able to enjoy and of course be inspired....

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Everyone gets tempted, you get tempted, I get tempted.. It's normal! It's what you do with the temptation that matters.

So how can one deal with sexual temptation? How can you ensure that you do all that you need to do (that lies in your remit and power to do) to ensure that you can deal with it, if and when it comes? 

Here are a few things that have helped me and are still helping me.. 

1. It is always a choice

Image result for it's your choice
Your choice. Life is a sum of choices that we make, every minute, every hour, every day. The only thing we don’t get to choose in life is the family we are born into and possibly when we die. But every other thing we do, every other thing that happens to us, we have a huge part to play in. And that is why one can’t but stress that because the power to choose either life of death has been set before us, we must constantly depend on, listen to and give room to the Holy Spirit to lead us into making the right choices so that we don’t keep finding ourselves in situations that we need God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Mary, Joseph and Elijah to come save us from! 

Right there in your closet, when you have your alone time with God is the best time to let Him work on your character, personality, weaknesses and emotions, so that when you go out and interact with the world, the Word that you have on the inside of you, working with the Holy Spirit leading you, will help you make right choices. For instance, when setting up a date or a meet up with someone of the opposite sex, it’s normal practise to carefully plan the whole date - what you’ll wear, where you’ll go, what you’ll do etc. However, most of the time, we don’t think to check in with the Holy Spirit just to see if He’s okay with our plans. 

Image result for black man getting ready for a date
As you prepare for a date physically, do you take time out to prepare with the Holy Spirit? (Pic Source)
Sometimes I get a nudge when I’m going over my plans, that makes me rethink certain aspects of the plans (whether it’s a date-date or even just a friendly meet up) and what this helps me to do is to reassess the situation and not put myself in a position where I am more open to unnecessary temptations or scenarios that I’d need a bail out or 'the cavalry' to come rescue me. 
If I know that I find the person I’m meeting with quite attractive, I would make sure I don’t plan activities that could help build up unnecessary emotions and desires that I am not ready to deal with or shouldn’t be dealing with at that point in time. 
I have to say though that even with all of these precautions in place, it’s still your choice at the end of the day. It’s your choice to go in for that extra cuppa at her place or yours. Nothing just happens! One of my mentees said to me once, "I don’t know how it happened, it just happened!" And I said to him, "Dude, maybe you started it, maybe she did, but your clothes just didn’t come off like that!"

2. Don’t form the habit of going window-shopping
Your eyes are the windows to your soul. The same soul where a whole bunch of emotions and feelings can develop from. Whatever you feed your eyes with, will get stored into your subconscious, your mind and your inner person and it’s only a matter of time that these things will want to come out to play. If you find out that you’re more inclined to feeding your mind with stuff that is full of sexual content and activity, it is just a matter of time before you would probably want to ‘act out’ or experience certain thoughts that come to your mind. Remember this: what you see and feed your eyes on will someday become your thoughts. If care is not taken, your thoughts will become your actions. Your actions can lead to forming habits. And when these habits are not good, they could potentially become and lead to sin. 

3. Don’t fall victim to the 'I know myself mindset':
So if you’re not planning to take things further the right way, don’t say I know myself and I’ll just stick to cuddling and maybe kissing - no tongues! You may have perfected these, but believe me, as insatiable as we human beings are, a barrage of emotions, feelings and desires may engulf you, without asking for your permission and take over the proceedings at that point and before you know it, you’re paying for stuff you didn’t want to buy initially. That’s what window-shopping can do to you… 
You go to buy milk at the shop but you come back with ice cream, cookies, cream, cat food and a new TV. (You don’t even have a cat by the way!) In the same vein, you said you’d only just stick to hugging and cuddling but then you got more than you bargained for. That’s what temptation does, it leads you to situations you did not contemplate finding yourself in and ultimately, most times, getting more than you bargained for. When you put yourself in scenarios that are fertile breeding grounds for temptation, you’re opening up yourself to sin that will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you are willing to pay. Can you really afford to pay that price? 

Say no to window shopping! (Pic source)
4. Think about the consequences, think about tomorrow:
If there is one thing that helps me personally, it’s the practise of thinking about tomorrow whilst living today. When faced with a decision or a choice to make, I always say to myself as a rule of thumb: would I be happy tomorrow about the decisions and actions I am about to make? Who would I have to say “I’m sorry” to? God or the lady or both? What’s the fall out going to be like? Happiness? Guilt? Satisfaction? Shame? After honestly going through these in my mind, once it’s apparent that it’s going to be more negative for me than positive, it’s a no brainer what the choice will be. You may feel like a 'no actions' person, or that person that’s got no game at that moment, but that moment will always pass, because it is what it is, a moment, one that could make or break you. Perhaps you’re the kind of person that has a good grip on your actions and you “know” that you probably won’t be giving in into any physical encounters. That’s all well and good. There is still the matter of the purity of the heart and mind. The fact that you may not be engaging in the physical act doesn’t mean that one is not succumbing to temptation in his heart. So you may want to guard where your mind goes, what it thinks about, how long you spend thinking about certain thoughts before you cast them down. Guard your heart, above all else, for it determines the course of your life. What you store inside will help you win or loose the fight over sexual temptation.
.............Lightchild

You can follow Lightchild on Twitter @light_child , Instagram @lightchildfamily and Facebook -LightChildFamily

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Like I said to Lightchild, this is probably my favourite post so far for obvious reasons. Often times, when we talk about waiting until marriage for sex, many people say that while some women can do it, it is almost impossible for men.
Well thank God that it is clear that it is possible. It's not easy (not at all), however, it is possible by God's grace. 
I like the last point above - think about tomorrow whilst living today. The choices we make today affect what happens tomorrow. We are not like lesser animals who have no control over our decisions, we are made to have a will and to have self-control. May God help us in Jesus name!

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:
Twitter: @1plustheone
Google+ - 1 + The One
Instagram: @1plustheone
Email: 1plustheone@gmail.com